How to Win a World Series

November 2, 2011 By 1 Comment

Winning a World Series is no easy feat. Out of the current 30 MLB Teams 8 of them have not won a World Series, ever.  Since 1903, only 69 managers have won a World Series.  In fact, it is so hard to win a World Series, the Cubs haven’t won one in 103 years, which actually puts a smile on my face.  Some of baseball’s greats have never won a World Series, Ted Williams, Ken Griffey Jr, Ty Cobb, and any Cub player that played after 1908 unless you were one of the lucky ones like Lou Brock who got traded to a winner (ie: The Cardinals). 

So I am sure you are asking yourself  “Adam, you are a loan officer.  How the heck do you know how to win a World Series?”  Well I am glad you asked.  As noted above, it is not easy but I have found a way to just about guarantee you win a World Series. 

 First things first-you can’t play for the Cubs. It’s obvious that they are one of the worst teams in baseball when it comes to winning.  Now if you like to drink Old Style, get super drunk, and choke away every opportunity you ever have, than play for the Cubs or be a Cubs fan.  When you do choke you’ll at least be able to blame it on a goat, ball, or one of your own fans (see Steve Bartman).  

 Second, avoid being a fan of or playing for any team out of Texas.  We all know everything is bigger in Texas, this includes losses. No team that is currently based in Texas has won a World Series.  Between the Houston Astros and the Texas Rangers that is a solid 99 years of losing, not quite as awful as the Cubs but pretty bad.

 Third, and probably most important is to make sure a Crutchfield was born in the year you want your team to win the World Series. I was lucky enough to be born in 1982 when the Cardinals laid the smack down on the Brewers and my son Max was born in 2011 when the Cardinals crushed the Texas Rangers.  In a year of rally squirrels, good luck turtles, and happy flights we can also add the Crutchfield rally baby to the mix. 

It’s crazy to think that I have been on this earth long enough to have a baby and both of us have gotten to see a World Series win, not one single living Cubs fan can say that.  Of course my son and I are just doing our part as Cardinals fans but it is a pretty awesome bond that we share together.  A bond that not many people can share, *cough* *cough* Cubs fans.

I don’t want to get everyone’s hopes up to high, my family has no plans of having a baby in 2012 but if things go as planned I suggest you buy playoff tickets for the 2013 season as soon as possible.

The Rally Baby

Filed Under: CoMo Commentary, CoMo Sports, Misc CoMo Tagged With: , , , ,

Halloween Costume FAIL

October 27, 2011 By 3 Comments

Who’s ready to trick or treat?  Or in my case, take my 6 month old around to show him off and score a bunch of free candy that my fiance won’t let me eat.  Either way, we are all ready to trick or treat, party, or whatever it is you do for Halloween.

What we may not be ready to do is pick out a Halloween costume.  Here is a quick Top 10 list of the worst Halloween costumes and being the nice guy I am, I included a few Halloween costume tips for you.

10. A California Raisin: Putting a trash bag over yourself and going as a raisin that was in a fictional band is pretty lame, almost as lame as me remembering this 1989 tragedy of a band.

9. Kris Kross: Wearing your clothes backwards will make you look like an idiot. No one will look at you and think of two 12 year olds who liked to jump and missed the bus back in 1992.

8. Party Boy from Jackass: Only bad things can come from a dude wearing a bow tie and a speedo. Think wardrobe malfunction.

7.  The Scream Mask: 1996 called, they want their Halloween costume back.

6. A Ghost: Seriously think long and hard about who else cuts two eye holes in a sheet and wears it around. Not going there.

5. Dudes dressed as girls: As funny as you might think that is, it’s really creepy and other bros are not laughing with you. They’re laughing at you. And vice versa, no one goes out on Halloween to see a chick with slicked back hair looking like a dude. If I wanted to see this I would watch “Just One of the Guys,” well, until the end which makes another one of my Top 10 lists.

4. The Mammogram Testing Costume: Good idea in theory but trust me. If anyone comes in for a test, you’ll probably want to turn them away. If you do go with this don’t stop by your Grandma’s house, especially if she often mistakes you for the doctor.

3. Jersey Shore Character: If I see one more over-weight, middle-aged dude lift his shirt up, point to his beer gut, and say “look at my situation,” or a girl who is oompa loompa colored, I am going to seriously question where our country will be in the next 5 years.

2. Vampires: You might be thinking “hold on, vampires are totally awesome and a staple of Halloween.” This was true until they started sparkling like a bucket of glitter was dumped on them and 13 year old girls were obsessed with them. Thanks Twilight.

1. Yourself: This is some BS that Adrian Grenier or Vince from Entourage would pull. Totally lame just like the Entourage finale but that’s a different story. Everyone thinks you are an idiot when you do this.

Here are a few tips to make sure your costume doesn’t fail:

Topical costumes – This is a tricky area. If anyone has ever told you that you have a bad sense of comic timing, you should avoid topical costumes. For example, stained Monica Lewinsky costumes were all the rage in Oct. 1998, and it was funny. But the sad handful of girls who chose the same costume in 1999 found new meaning to the phrase “walk of shame.” And Lewinsky had a decent amount of staying power back then. If you were to show up this year with a Michelle, or even Marcus Bachamann costume, you should know that people are making fun of you when you turn around.

Women costumes – We get it you want to be a little naughty. There is nothing wrong with wearing a sexy costume I for one enjoy it, that is until I feel like the house party I am at has been transformed in to Club Vogue. As a general rule, if your schtick involves putting the word “slutty” in front of your costume name, then stop right there, because you’re about to become a walking, talking cliché.

Dude costumes – Quite the opposite of the women costumes. Skin is not better. No need for you to take this opportunity to show off how big of a meat head you are. Leave the Tarzan outfit at home. No one wants to watch you chug your beer and beat your chest like a cave man.

Kid costumes – Moms, what you think is cute will probably get your kid beat up or made fun of. Your son doesn’t want to go as Winnie the Poo even though you think it is super cute. Also dressing the family up as a theme is a terrible idea. Trust me your husband doesn’t want to dress up as Mickey Mouse.

This Top 10 list and these tips shoud help you from having a disaster of a Halloween costume. Feel free to comment below with other terrible costumes you have seen. In my 30 years one thing is for sure, people need help picking out Halloween costumes.

Peace out until next Halloween

Filed Under: CoMo Commentary Tagged With: , , , , ,

Dude, Where’s My Food Truck?

September 30, 2011 By 6 Comments

Here is Seoul Taco! They are a St. Louis food truck that kills it when it comes to Korean BBQ!

I really wanted to bring the thunder with this post.  I am a 6 foot 270 pound man that can crush some food.  I’ve eaten all over Columbia. You name it and my butt has been in a chair there, probably more than once.  I wanted to write about the best restaurants in Columbia.  I wanted to write about schooners at Bambino’s, chili cheese dogs and root beer floats at Mugs Up, juicy burgers at Lee St. Deli, stretches at the Diner… the list goes on and on. That was my problem:  I was faced with too many choices. I just couldn’t decide.

The decision on what to write about drove me in to a massive eating binge.  I ate and ate and ate trying to decide what to write about, until finally I’d had enough.  I had gained 10 pounds and decided to join Weight Watchers, only eat gross food the rest of my life and be a skinny mini.  All the great food in Columbia had taken my life away from me.  The Nachos Bianco at Addison’s was the final straw.  Well, that and a cup of white chicken chili from Willies and some cicada ice cream from Sparky’s (yeah I saved some from a few months ago for a special occasion).

OK OK OK… you got me.  I am not really joining Weight Watchers, but I was in a week-long food coma after eating at every restaurant in the 573. During my quest I thought to myself, Columbia has everything.  How am I ever going to be able to choose what to write about?  Then it dawned on me, CoMO doesn’t have everything.  I shall write about the one thing we don’t have-Food Trucks!

There is something about food trucks that has me obsessed.  Almost as obsessed as the first time I had a deep friend Twinkie (don’t hate)!  Columbia is seriously missing out!  Raise your hand if you are tired of double cheeseburgers, or McDoubles!

I love eating out at Columbia restaurants, but who else is tired of racing downtown to grab a bite for lunch and trying to get back in an hour so your boss doesn’t fire you? For me, it’s a problem. With that, here are my top 10 reasons why food trucks are cool, and why CoMO needs ‘em.

1. I am getting old and food trucks make me feel cool.  I can watch a TV show about them (Great American Food Truck Race on Food Network) and see young people being a part of the movement.

2. After having a few adult beverages and waiting on a cab to pick you up who wouldn’t want a Korean taco? My boys from STL, Seoul Taco, could hook you up with that.

3. Can you imagine a dessert truck outside of Top 10 Wines? Heck, can you imagine a dessert truck anywhere? Yes please!

4. It’s quick, it’s not a drive-thru, and most of the time it’s a pretty dang good meal.

5. If the food is bogus we can always drag race the food trucks at the fairgrounds. Git-R-Done!

6. They come to you.  Makes it pretty easy to pop out of your office and snag some delicious food and get back to work.

7. Food Truck Meet Ups.  Who wouldn’t want to go out to Stephen’s Lake and enjoy several different cuisines from Korean BBQ to Dumplings to Sushi to Burgers… who knows what great food we might see?

8. It’s a business that thrives off of social media.  It’s so cool to see a tweet go out then an hour later 100 people are lined up wanting your food?  Pretty kewl (it’s how the young people spell cool these days).

9. They’re featured in the movie “Machete.” If Luz’s taco truck is good enough for Machete, it should be good enough for you.

10. They’re unique. A lot food trucks buck traditional when it comes to flavor and taste combinations, creating delicious new concoctions that make you scarf them down while you wonder how the heck they made those things taste SO good together.

11. (Bonus) Food trucks are like ice cream trucks for adults. I think we can all agree that is, Winning!

I love Columbia. I love eating. I don’t want to take anything away from this great city, but I sure as heck want to add to it.  Food trucks would add another bit of diversity to an ever growing city. Plus like I have stated before they are FREAKING cool!

Now after a weeklong food coma I think its best I take a nap.

Filed Under: CoMo Commentary, Feed Me CoMo, Foodie Finds Tagged With: , , , , , , ,