SEC Welcome: Mizzou Music

September 4, 2012 By Leave a Comment

As Missouri joins the ranks of the SEC, we thought it might help our new enemies neighbors and co-super-conference conspirators understand the “Mizzou way” by sharing our somewhat impressive outburst of Mizzou-related music videos taking up residence on YouTube. There’s hip-hop, country, and whatever it is they do on Glee, but one thing all these videos share is a love for old Mizzou. The gauntlet has been thrown down. Come with it, SEC and fest on the musical majesty that is M-I-Z… [waiting on a response]

Z-O-U!

“SEC Bound”

The first video is also the most recent. Apparently, the attempt was to show just how country or southern we Missourians can roll. I think the boat pulled through a wheat field says it all. And yes, that is how all the girls at the University of Missouri dress all the time. Hell, you should see the faculty.

“We Are Mizzou”

Some of you may know that our big rival is Kansas. After it was announced Missouri was bolting for the greener grass of the SEC (Amirite, Les Miles?), Kansas wanted nothing to do with us. So, we gave them a little bit of the above, prompting a response.

Note: You may notice a resemblance between the three dudes in both videos. This is a coincidence. All dudes at Mizzou look alike.

“One Mizzou”

It’s not Appalachian State-worthy, but it’s close. And yes, we claim both Sheryl Crow and Jon Hamm as alums. Also, Brad Pitt attended Mizzou, but he didn’t finish.

“Cats from Ol’ Mizzou”

Kickin’ it old-school with this blast from the past, for those of you who weren’t aware, we’re a basketball school (without a Final Four appearance). This not only shows the tradition in Mizzou basketball but also in Mizzou rap videos.

“VolleyZOU”

We do love our volley ball team. Yes we do. Joining the SEC isn’t just about football, yo.

“Every Girl at Mizzou”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=257eNxhZClI

Of course, that was not actually the “Every Girl at Mizzou” video. The original has been filtered as private, but you have to believe me when I tell you that it was the all-time greatest Mizzou-themed music video EVER. This fact cannot be debated. Of course, if you’ve never seen it, you’ll just have to take my word for it and trust that the scintillating promises in the “behind the scenes” video are kept ten-fold.

Filed Under: Misc CoMo Tagged With: , ,

CoMo Weekend: 4/20-22

April 20, 2012 By 1 Comment

I bet you thought we forgot about you, didn’t you? We could never quit you, CoMo. Let’s do something this weekend, just the two of us. What do you say?

Friday the 20th

House of Vansickle Spring Show at The Catacombs in the North Village Arts District; 7:00 PM (Free) – This imaginative fashion show featuring the designs of Suzanne VanSickle will include performance art and fiber installations. Come out and see Vansickles’ spring line. You can check out her work at the House of VanSickle website or her Etsy page. The aforementioned fiber installation is by Easily Distracted. Modeling and performance art by Moon Belly. For more information call us at 573-442-1859 or email at houseofvansickle@gmail.com.

Artrageous Friday; 6pm-9pm (Free) – Wander downtown and through the North Village Arts District for this quarterly event. This edition features something a little different: “In an effort to liven and beautify the space between our Artrageous Members/Venues, Artrageous Fridays will coordinate and promote the budding concept of ‘guerrilla art’.  These spontaneous, organic, creative & temporary art installations will enhance the excitement and appeal of Artragoeus Fridays allowing community members to display their works in parking lots & alleyways, on buildings & sidewalks, and even places in between.” Be on the lookout for these installations and performances as you enjoy the nice weather. More information can be found at Artrageous Friday’s website.

Saturday the 21st

Cursive at Mojo’s; doors 8PM, show 9PM ($14) – Cursive has been around so long, that they were pre-emo and post-emo before Conor Oberst had a driver’s license. Still, they sound as fresh and as energetic as they did rapping on the 2001 EP Burst and Bloom. Plus, Tim Kasher has never sounded more tortured than he did on 2000′s Domestica. The Omaha natives make yet another pit stop in CoMo this weekend to present new material from yet another concept album, I Am Gemini. The excellent Cymbals Eat Guitar and fellow Omahaians Conduits open. Check Mojo’s for more details.

80′s New Wave Dance Party at the Blue Note… Check Susan’s write-up.

Adventures in Graduate Education in Jesse Hall;  10AM-2PM (Free) The popular Mizzou event for families is back! Explore roughly 30 different activities in science, art, music, engineering, computers, and animals. There’s something for everyone, especially elementary-age kids. http://gradschool.missouri.edu/adventures

CoMO Derby Dames vs. Mid-Iowa Rollers at Sk8 Zone in Jefferson City; doors 4:30, bout 5:00 (children <10 free, $10 at the door; advance tickets are available for $8 at Maude Vintage) – Drive on down to Jeff City to see our CoMo Derby Dames take down the Mid-Iowa (Isn’t all of Iowa Mid-Iowa?) Rollers this Saturday. It’s violent lady fun for the whole family. Check the Dames’ website for further details.

Sunday the 22nd

Columbia Earth Day is held throughout downtown; noon-7PM (Free) – Music, food, booths, and generally Earthly goodness happens all afternoon in beautiful downtown Columbia. Celebrate our global home by meandering through the many exhibits, enjoying the good weather. More details are available here, including a rain date just in case.

Mid-MO Pridefest is downtown; noon-??? (Free) - Pridefest will be selling one inch wide silicone wristbands, courtesy of 360Bandz.com. All proceeds will help support the costs that go into putting together Pridefest and help keep the event free. Additionally, Pridefest hopes to raise money for their August celebration. See Mid-Missouri Pridefest for more details.

Dubb Nubb at Sparky’s;  8PM (Free) – Actually, Nicholas Naioti, Henry Daggs, Seth Moore (“Three sweet ass dudes from TN”) and Soul Mama (Justin Hickersquashed) are also playing Sparky’s, but it’s CoMo’s own Dubb Nubb you’re coming to see. Check it.

Lunafest at the Blue Note;  4PM ($20, $15 w/student ID) – If it rains or you need a break from all the patchouli downtown, head over to the Note for a fundraiser featuring an assortment of short films made by women. There’s plenty more to know about Lunafest at their website.

Filed Under: CoMo Arts and Music, CoMo Events, CoMo Family, CoMo Fashion, CoMo Weekend, CoMusic, Kids Activities, What's Going On in CoMo Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

CoMo Weekend: 1/13-1/15

January 13, 2012 By Leave a Comment
Columbia

Photo by Chris Yunker. Click for source.

Friday the 13th

  • Coward, Jack Buck at Mojo’s; doors 8:30 PM ($5) – Two drum kits means twice the fun. Coward will beat you down until you repent. Be prepared. Take a look at the evidence below. Opener Jack Buck won’t let you off easy either.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VsNqGxmKjG8#!
  • Dirty Disco at Eastside Tavern; 8 PM-1:30 AM (21+ Free, under 21 $5 before 10 PM, $7 after) – Come get your dance on dirty style at Eastside tonight. You know, before the kids get here.
Saturday the 14th
  • It’s a Gas Trade Show at Boone County Fairgrounds; 8AM – 5PM (Early entry is $25, otherwise it’s free) - Here’s an opportunity to browse gas station antiques and collectibles from the oil and auto industry at this annual oil and gas swap meet. Contain your excitement. We’re talking about historic artifacts, not dinosaur bones. Still, there’s plenty to collect at this petroleum-based flea market of sorts.
  • MU-Texas men’s basketball game with Cardinals Caravan at MU Arena; 12:00 (sold-out, but you can watch it on TV) – The Cardinals Caravan is also set to be in Moberly Saturday evening.
  • Clear 99′s Adult Prom at the Elk’s Lodge in Columbia; 7-11PM ($40 per person or $65 per couple) – Yes, you read that right. It’s an adult prom but not that kind of adult. It’s just a fun event for adults 21 and over to enjoy an evening out. Prizes will be awarded for Best Dressed Male and Female, Miss Congeniality, Best Hair, Best Dancer, Sassiest Shoes, Edward Cullen Sparkliest Dress, Hottest Couple and Prom King and Queen. All proceeds benefit Children’s Miracle Network and the Ronald McDonald House. So, spike the punch and accidentally impregnate your date for charity just like the old days!
Sunday the 15th
  • Nothing. Nothing is going on this Sunday. So, stay in with your family for a change.
Bonus: Martin Luther King Day Events
  • Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Candlelight March and Memorial Celebration, 6:30 PM - The candlelight walk will begin at 6:30 pm at Douglass High School, which will proceed to the Memorial Celebration at St. Paul AMC, 501 Park, where a service will be held. The event is open to all and is free. Call Parks and Recreation at 874-7460 for more information.
What are you doing, Columbia before the students return?

Filed Under: CoMo Weekend, What's Going On in CoMo Tagged With: , ,

CoMo Weekend 12/16-18

December 16, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Photo Courtesy of Rebecca Allen

Honestly, you’re all attending holiday parties this weekend, but if you’re not…there might be something else to do this weekend.

Friday the 16th

Saturday the 17th

  • University of Missouri Commencement Ceremonies on MU’s campus (various locations and times) – Many Mizzou seniors and graduate students will say a long farewell to CoMo this weekend as commencement ceremonies will take place all over campus and throughout the weekend. Check the commencement web page for more details.
  • The Wilders/Pokey LaFarge & the South City Three at Mojo’s; 8:30 PM ($12) – Rockabilly and roots music at its finest hit CoMo.

Sunday the 18th

  • Access Arts at 1724 McAlester Street; 1:00 PM-5:00 PM – This is a great opportunity to find handcrafted holiday gifts (for others or for yourself) of pottery, jewelry, woven items, and much more. All proceeds from the sale go to the scholarship fund and program support at Access Arts.
  • “A Symphony of Toys” at the Missouri Theater; 3:00 PM (GA: $15, Students & Children: $7 - Students and children who bring a new unwrapped toy to place under the symphony tree receive free admission.) – For more information or to order tickets, go to the MOSS website.
  • Eating Frito Pie… You wish you knew. ;)

Filed Under: CoMo Events, Misc CoMo, What's Going On in CoMo Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

The Comoian: Mizz-Who?

October 31, 2011 By 2 Comments

Kate and Zac asked me to include this disclaimer so that they don’t get blamed for my opinions. That’s fine. They’re my opinions, not theirs. I can own up to that while maintaining anonymity. So, you should know that The Comoian is part of the Collective meant to provide another perspective on Columbia not currently present in our pages. This perspective – like all the opinions on this website – are not representative of The CoMo Collective, its editors, nor its writers. Take it for what it is. Leave angry comments in the space below. Blah, blah, blah…

Is this really what you want?

So, the University of Missouri is on the verge of joining the SEC. Woopty-freakin’-do.

First of all, you’re delusional if you think this will be good Missouri’s “football” program. They are preparing to join the SEC, THE GREATEST FOOTBALL CONFERENCE OF ALL-TIME that regularly chews up mediocre football programs and spits out a bloody mess with much frequency. (See: The Big Ten) Not only that, but Mizzou will likely be in the toughest division in football, the SEC West. That means annual thrashings by the likes of LSU, Alabama, and Auburn…and, let’s face it, Arkansas as well.

There will be no more mythical Big 12 North Championships with an opportunity to get whooped by an overrated Oklahoma Sooners team. No longer will the likes of Iowa State, Kansas, Kansas State (sans Bill Snyder), Baylor, Nebraska, or Texas Tech litter Missouri’s schedule with duds and the annual “upset.” Gone are the days of 45-38 shootouts and two-hand-touch defense. Say “so-long” to 8-win seasons, Tigers. Your days of happy mediocrity and the Insight Bowl bids are over.

Some of you will point out that Missouri is a basketball school. Yeah, like KENTUCKY? Or how about comparing the number of Final Four appearances at Missouri (0) to those of decidedly-non-basketball schools like Florida (4) and LSU(4)? Missouri’s a basketball school. Why? Because the football program was a joke for two decades? That must be it.

There are some Mizzou supporters who will say that Missouri has a long history of excellence. This makes Missouri attractive to the SEC, sort of like a fancy new doormat. And what does that history look like? The following three video clips represent the most important moments of Missouri sports history:

That’s right. The greatest moments in University of Missouri athletic history are all losses. I suggest Mizzou and their fans ready themselves for a lot more of this and a return from the lands of Lofty Expectations and Delusions for the more familiar confines of Mediocre City.

And that’s a best-case scenario. More than likely, the arms race that is SEC football will crush our little university. Faurot Field is larger than a measly four SEC stadiums, belonging to the murders’ row of Vanderbilt, Kentucky, and the Mississippi schools. Yep, that’s the kind of company Mizzou will keep in the SEC basement.

Then, there are the coaches. Missouri mistakenly thought Washington wanted Gary Pinkel, but who really thought they wanted a career .600 coach to resurrect their program? It’s unlikely Pinkel was ever a serious option. Either way, Mizzou is being taken for over $2.5 million a year from the man who would rather call a fake field goal on third down than give a scholarship to a fullback. That sounds like a lot of money the state of Missouri doesn’t have compared to other SEC coaches like Will Muschamp ($2.7 million), Bobby Petrino ($2.7 million), Mark Richt ($2.9 million), Les Miles ($3.9 million), and the diminutive-but-mighty Nick Saban ($6 million). Mizzou’s brain trust-in-a-visor just isn’t in their league – literally for now and figuratively forever.

Of course, the real drawback to Missouri’s move to the SEC, is the loss of tradition. There will be no more 15-point losses to Kansas in basketball. Tailgating in Columbia will soon be overwhelmed with blue and orange, crimson and white, or purple and gold instead of black and yellow. The great tradition of conference and national championships at Missouri…I suppose that will “continue.”

Also, how ’bout them Cards?

Filed Under: CoMo Commentary, CoMo Sports, Misc CoMo Tagged With: , , ,

CoMo Weekend: 10/21-23

October 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Looking for a way to spend your weekend? Here’s a list of things CoMo Collective writers are doing with their days off…

Friday, October 21

  • Columbia Montessori Benefit at the Bridge, featuring Spandex Ballet (80′s cover band) 8:00 – It’s 80′s cover band night at The Bridge and it’s for a good cause, the not-for-profit Columbia Montessori.
  • Black & Gold Game at Mizzou Arena.  Tipoff for the scrimmage at 8 p.m., doors at 6:30 p.m. – Basketball season is nearly upon us. Be there for the tip-off as Mizzou may or may not make their last run at a Big 12 championship.
  • Ha Ha Tonka at The Blue Note, show at 9:30  - Originally from Springfield, Ha Ha Tonka rock the Note for the low, low price of $10.  Here’s a taste:

Saturday, October 22

  •  Hermann Oktoberfest – Get your German on and head over to Hermann for what I would expect would mostly be beer and brats.
  • Missouri vs #4 Oklahoma State, football, game at 11am. – This game could make the season for Mizzou. They always seem to win one game that they have no business winning. Think last year’s OU game and find a way to sit on the rocks in the north end zone.

Sunday, October 23

  • Buddy Guy at Jesse Auditorium, 7pm. – Blues legend Buddy Guy is playing the beautiful Jesse Auditorium Sunday. Tickets are $19-39. Find more information here.
What are you doing this weekend? Let us know in the comments.

Filed Under: CoMo Events, CoMo Sports, CoMo Weekend, CoMusic Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

FRESH COMO MEAT VOL. V: RADIO REBELDE!

October 17, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Remember that grinning sax player asshole who told us in 1996 that deregulating the Telecommunications industry was a good thing? I do, I think he’s still a war criminal. One thing you never hear from the right wing Ayn-Randian-Ron-Paulistas is any mention of the effects of deregulation has had on the U.S. If they had their druthers, we’d all be visiting the Halliburton Library and Monsanto would be regulating our food supply. But I digress.

As a product of the 1980′s, I fondly remember dubbing all my favorite jams from the radio for my super sweet-whiffleball tournament-all night party mixes. I could barely get this one R&B station in at my house in Union Ky. I’ll bet that I had every LL Cool J song mixed in with some mouthbreather breaking the up the intro with promises to the next caller right up until Mr. Smith killed it. Even the amplitude modulation was another universe because my Mom & Dad killed the crushed the classic rock station 24/365. If it wasn’t that, there was a steady dose of Bob Seger System, Uriah Heep, Deep Purple, and the rest of the usual tight crotched bell bottom lot occupying the needle. All of which I hated until much later in life. I listened to rap and proudly rocked my Public Enemy shirt for two full years. I can thank them for teaching me more about the Black Liberation movement than all of my AFAM classes combined. In 7th & 8th grade no less!

[insert “back in my day voice”] The only thing I had growing up were stations that played music by genre. One for pop, one for country, classic rock, new rock, R&B, etc. etc. It’s the format we’ve all come to hate know since multinational media companies have been consolidating their competition for well over a two decades. How were they able to do this? Well, deregulation, a well lobbied and compliant FCC, and the always present lining of political pockets is a great first step. Radio was for many generations, a central gathering point and distribution of culture. Sometimes it has served the worst parts of empire. But in the hands of the people fighting for justice, it can play a remarkable role in educating, agitating, organizing, and entertaining.

In the CoMo, there are three standout radio stations that have become my “when my ipod is boring” staples. Honestly, I listen to 89.5FM KOPN everyday. They broadcast Democracy Now! Everyday. They have NPR. They have Alternative Radio with David Barsamian. Understand this: if you live in an area where you cannot get a daily, independent left wing news source on the dial, it sucks. Let’s be honest, NPR kinda sucks every now and then and most of the time their analysts leave much to be desired. KOPN has a plethora of shows that are hosted by real human disc jockeys. They also have a fund drive going, help them out if you can.

88.1 FM KCOU is “the University of Missouri’s only student-run radio station since 1963”. They actually play some decent indie stuff as I was introduced to this band through them and have been enamored since. It’s odd when that happens today in the hyper cycle world of wall postings and networking. Their studio apparently caught fire sometime this year and for most of the summer, they just had one long playlist. It was way better that way since listening to Amanda or Josh tell me about the big game or when campus wifi went out isn’t that interesting. However, I don’t Mizzou so that makes more sense.

88.9 FM KLJU out of Lincoln University in Jeff City plays some pretty cool stuff too. They play a lot of cruise boat/waiting room jazz but the stand out programs are the Friday Night Jamz from 8-Midnight and Classic Soul Sunday from 3-5pm. 

Remember how bad y’all felt back in November when we lived in a “center-right nation”? How you were seriously thinking about your escape route to Canada or Mexico? Normally this time of year we’re being choked to death with the endless detailing of horrible campaign trail story boarding and throwing the nearest objects at TVs. Occupy has changed all that. Let’s occupy the radio! Occupy Everything!

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Misc CoMo Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

CoMo Fresh Meat: Park Rock Academy Tail Gate Song

September 19, 2011 By Leave a Comment

FRESH COMO MEAT: PARKROCKACADEMYTAILGATESONG

PARK: nice places and good guitar amplifiers.

The parks in this city make me smile. Parks and public works are fantastic because they take the sting out of concrete and blacktop, bad developers, and those revenue plunderers: Parking Garages. No doubt that palms were greased when those monstrosities were built here. The promise of future cash for strapped local government, easy private management, only to sit largely empty. Bummer for us. The parks though, are a silver lining in the concrete mess. Stephen’s Lake Park is absolutely stunning. The lake is free to swim and fish in (weird) but it also features two walk paths, one of which follows a platform over the middle of the lake. The playground has a tight set of giant boulders around it and the swings don’t squeak. The TEAM hasn’t fully explored Cosmo Park yet but it looks pretty promising. That place is huge! Low income neighborhoods or those that inhabit the most amount of people of color get the scraps as Worley St. and Again St. look nothing like their suburban counterparts. This is par for the course but at least there could be an effort to update them as the communities they serve utilize them. The MKT trail is really a local treasure. I’m not sure there there is a more peaceful place within the city proper. My favorite spot is if you’re heading south on the trail and you go under Stadium Blvd., you come out on the other side where the trail opens up and there is a long straight path with trees curling over the top, streams weaving in and out complete with wood bridges. The only thing that could improve it would be if there was a nice waterproof reading couch and steady Sour beers on tap.

But what makes all these parks work? Public sector workers dummy. They are under a direct attack by local and state governments and tacitly by the federal government in the name of “deficit reduction”. What this means in reality is that while Obomba has decided to bail out the very vampires which caused the Great Recession, the costs are being balanced on the backs of workers, the poor, the elderly, and those little leeches that have been living high-on-the-hog, school children. Wisconsin was the first with Ohio following right behind in enacting undemocratic anti-worker legislation to crush the groups that make states actually function. Public sector workers and their unions have more African Americans, Latinos, and women than traditional craft unions too. As for COMO parks, credit goes to the Park & Rec workers for maintenance. They have an army that’s out at all hours of the night and day it seems keeping these joints operational, clean, and tidy. Workers for the Water and Light, Parks and Recreation and Public Works departments and Columbia police officers asking City Council for collective bargaining rights and a contract with the city. Contracts are readily available for the construction of large parking facilities, private for-profit developments, etc. why wouldn’t that apply for the people that make the city run?

HEAR THAT TIGER GROWLIN

COMO you like your Tailgating. Crushing shitty lite beer for hours, havin a toss, eating grilled heavily processed meats, face paint, the mardi gras beads in the color of the hometown team. YEAH BUDDY! I like sports, but the fetishizing of this part of sports is weird. I even like cold adult sodas while watching people smash into each other full sprint. I’m from the country called the Midwest so I know a thing or two about sports but this always baffled me. Is the gating of the tail something that’s usually associated with mediocre-to-poor teams? My Bungals have a history of ineptitude that’s well documented. Mizzou Football: National Title? Nope. Consistent winner? Nope. Reputable program? Maybe. The last team in a conference that is becoming more irrelevant everyday? Yup. What say you about the Tigers here? Does the tennis elbow from Corn Holing all afternoon soften the blow of seasonal disappointment? The weirdest part has to be the tiger in the trunk nonsense. It signals to the driver behind you that you REALLY like the MIZZOO(U). That pride, means that as an adult you will take the time and money to purchase a cloth tiger tail which you will have to move out of the way when you get groceries. In reality, it just looks like you’ve kidnapped a robot from Chuckie Cheese.

THROAT, CLEARED.

I get disgusted with mainstream news coverage generally speaking. While the politics of distraction usually rule the day with the American media, few things made me throw more shoes at the T.V. me more than the coverage of Cassie Anthony. While this trash novel continues to be passed off as news, Jim Crow Georgia is determined to legally lynch an innocent man, TROY DAVIS. Troy is not a cutesy little white woman and the death a small white child wasn’t involved in this case but he is a black man from the south which means that unless he’s stupid rich, he’s guilty of whatever he’s accused of. With no material evidence, no weapon, no record, and 7 out of 9 “eyewitnesses” recanted, the fact that this case get zero coverage, makes this shit sandwich of an information distribution system, biggie sized. Internet activism is no replacement for real direct action but on your smoke break, or 9am coffee break, or while you’re stuck in traffic this week, Sign the petition, call (404.656.5651), e-mail (Webmaster@pap.state.ga.us) the Board of Pardons and Paroles and voice your support for Troy Davis! He is scheduled to be executed this Wednesday Sept. 21.

 

Bring on the fall. Take it easy.

Filed Under: Misc CoMo Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

CoMO Sports: Don’t Blame Deaton, Blame The Black Hole

September 15, 2011 By 2 Comments

This post is partially in jest, and partially based in truth.

 If Missouri were to somehow miss the bus to the SEC or the Big Ten (and end up in a conference like the Big East, Mountain West, etc.), the blame does not fall on Mike Alden, Jay Nixon, or Brady Deaton.

Here are some numbers to explain what I mean:

30

5

0

426

The first number represents the time period between 1971-2000 (30 years). I refer to this as the “Black Hole Of Missouri Football”.

The second number represents how many Head Football Coaches Missouri had during the time frame (Al Onofrio, Warren Powers, Woody Widenhofer, Bob Stull & Larry Smith).

The third number represents the number of conference championships Missouri won in football during that span (none).

The fourth number represents Missouri’s winning percentage in football in those three decades (.426).

We all know the reasons why Nebraska was invited to join the Big Ten and why Texas A&M was unanimously voted to be invited to the SEC. A lot of it has to do with football culture, tradition, and branding. I think we could all agree that when you have those things, a possible invitation becomes an easier decision for a major BCS conference.

Though I’m joking a little when I say it, if conference expansion doesn’t get as big as most of us think it will and invitations are fewer than expected, then it could be argued that Missouri missed the boat not because of a Governor, an Athletic Director, or a Chancellor in a compromising position…

Despite the best efforts of Gary Pinkel in the last six seasons, blame truly falls on 30 years of futility. If there were even ONE magical season in those three decades with a Big 8/Big 12 title and a National Championship, the culture and fanbase could be VERY different for the Missouri Tigers.

If Missouri doesn’t end up in the Big Ten or the SEC, it’s only because they weren’t INVITED. If they aren’t invited for the same reasons that gave Nebraska and Texas A&M an edge, that blame shouldn’t fall on the easy targets we continually talk about.

 

It should fall on the Black Hole we try to forget.

Filed Under: CoMo Commentary, CoMo Sports Tagged With: ,

CoMO Sports: Why The Big 12 Is Like Lindsay Lohan

August 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment

After a year of following the issue of “conference realignment” in major college athletics (oh, yeah… academics, too, I guess), I’ve learned one thing about the Big 12 Conference:

They are the Lindsay Lohan of NCAA BCS conferences.

Here’s why…

The Big 12 is a hot mess.

The conference HAS enjoyed a number of tremendous highs. Since the formation of the conference in 1996, the Big 12 has scored 54 total national championships in every sport imaginable. That equates to about 3 or 4 NCAA championships every year. Every school (including former members Colorado & Nebraska) has won a Big 12 title in something, so it’s a competitive league as well.

Lindsay Lohan has had major (non-drug related) “scores” in her career as well. “The Parent Trap” remake was cute. “Mean Girls” was hilarious and is now a cult-classic. She’s even won a damn Grammy.

But Lohan has also won three out of the five Razzie Awards she’s been nominated for. If there were a “Razzie” for athletic conferences, the Big 12 would have won for last summer’s attempt at keeping their schools. They’re also nominated again this summer for their work on the sequel (Texas A&M). Win or lose, it’s always an honor just to be nominated.

Like Lindsay Lohan, the Big 12 doesn’t know what she’s going to do at 4:00 PM, much less in 2012.

Colorado? Gone. Nebraska? Gone. Texas A&M? Cheating and loving it. So, the Big 12 will need to replace these ex-boyfriends at some point. I see and hear A LOT of names on A LOT of publications and sports shows pop up as “possible additions” to the conference roster.

I’m going out on a limb, here… so bare with me…

What I REALLY think is the main comparison you can make between the Big 12 and Lindsay Lohan… is “datability”.

Lindsay Lohan is not at all attractive to any of Hollywood’s hottest bachelors. If you’ve got a career, some noteriety, are moderately good-looking, and don’t want to lose it all on a fling with a wildcard… you DON’T DATE LINDSAY LOHAN.

Notre Dame will not want to join the Big 12. BYU will not want to join the Big 12. Arkansas will not want to join the Big 12. All three of those schools are in positive, stable situations that they’ve created for themselves.

Notre Dame is independent, respected, and billing top dollar. Basically, a top veteran Hollywood actor that can guarantee big box office. BYU is also finally an independent and is like an award winning supporting actor, finally getting a shot to play a leading role on their own terms. Arkansas is the type-casted comedy actor that keeps cranking out sequel after sequel and collecting paycheck after paycheck. You likely won’t see many accolades come his way, but you can bet it will be quality work and that he’ll continue grinding it out well into his 70′s.

So, like Lindsay Lohan is a red flag for the top actors in Hollywood, the Big 12 will have to look elsewhere for a love interest. They both have to begin their search for somebody that is either: A) Poor & small-time; B) Will do anything to get any level of exposure; C) Doesn’t care that you’re on the verge of a shipwreck, as long as he can stay in the guest house.

TCU would love to hook up.

Houston would be happy to get drunk and make out.

SMU would probably go all the way on the first date, no questions asked.

So, if the Big 12 and fans of their member schools think that some kind of rabbit will be pulled out of a hat and that Notre Dame will trade any kind of it’s financial freedom and courtship from the Big Ten, just to get a spot in the cracked and leaking Big 12…

Your time would be better spent waiting by the phone with Lindsay Lohan, hoping Bradley Cooper will call.

Filed Under: CoMo Commentary, CoMo Sports Tagged With: , , , ,
« Older Posts